Month: September 2013

This is the range where the zombie apocalypse starts.

As serious as this guy?

Okay, first of all, I love the slingshot channel, which made watching this hard. My first thought was that he had killed himself by accident. The blood looks pretty damn real to me.

So I watch the above and then start to look to see if Joerg is okay, and am actually a bit concerned. Then I find this, and it turns out to be nothing but a publicity stunt. Kinda made me mad.

D.E.B.S. (5 Out of 5 Graves)

Where to start?

Let’s start with the fact that I’m a sucker for “The True Love” story. I can’t resist a good love story, especially one where the lovers both have amazing eyes and they have great on screen chemistry.

The story is fun and tongue in cheek and the action is a bit silly, but the love story shines through like a bright light in a dark night. And on top of that I actually laughed a few times. Real laughs. There are parts of the movie that you can’t help but laugh out loud for.

If you like a good love story full of silly action and beautiful eyes, this one is for you.

I love that term: “FOOD INSECURITY”.

You know what that means? It means that your f*cking hungry and you don’t know where your next meal is coming from.

You know what is just as scary/wrong? Many of those people are the wives and children of men actively serving in our military, or veterans.

And Congress just voted to cut $40 Billion (with a B) from the programs that feed the needy.  But oil companies still have subsidies and the 1% still get huge tax cuts.

It’s not fair, and its not right.

Shut your pie hole unless you have an actual plan to offer.

Everyone deserves healthcare and the Affordable Care Act makes sure that everyone pays for it as well.

Sounds fair to me.

5 Shells (2 Out of 5 Graves)

5 Shells starts with the two sisters hiding under the floorboards, watching as a gunman stops just above them, looking through the house. When they come out of hiding they find their mother and father dead on the front lawn.

This brings the two sisters to the journey that makes the rest of the movie as they try to get to their grandmothers house.

The good…

• The visuals are stunning. Wherever this was shot is full of beautiful and amazing scenery.
• The sense of dread builds slowly, starting with a whispered warning to run the first chance they get.

The bad…

• The five shells are bird or target shot.  If you look at the cap on the hull you can see it is very short, which is done in very small powder loads like bird shot. But when she shoots the can, it looks like a slug hit it, and that is definitely not a slug. I know this is nit picking, but I love my shotguns and this felt wrong.
• The older sister, who plays the slightly silly but cute one, does stuff that just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
• Sudden zoomed in shot of a PENIS. Near the end of the movie Matti is looking at a magazine and they cut to a picture of oral sex. After a very slow start that really had no graphic violence or blood, it was kind of unexpected. From zero graphic content to PENIS was just too much.
• The back story is that there was some huge financial collapse. I’m not sure how that turns the world into a wasteland? Where the hell are all the people?
• The girls apparently have no underarm hair after being on the go for several days. Show me some fur!
• Joslyn wears a skirt to go trekking cross country in potentially hostile territory?
• Spoiler alert – I’m going to ruin the ending for you – what the f*ck? She was willing to walk away from her in the beginning, and then shoots her sister at the end? The only reason this wasn’t a one star was the beautiful cinematic images.

It started slow but felt like it was building, but the twist at the end swerved the wrong way, driving us directly into oncoming traffic. I think they could have clipped it after the last fatal shotgun blast and it would have been a better movie.

I recommend you actually stop watching the movie there, it will be more satisfying.