Who & Why

So what exactly is going on here? Did this guy get implants or have his teeth filed down? (Not to mention the very nice job done waxing his eyesbrows.)

Now, you might be asking why? Why do I doubt this guy is a real vampire?  The answer is simple – I don’t think vampires shop at walmart.

But I could be wrong.

Death Valley – Season 1, Episode 10

Episode  10, Assault on Precinct UTF

Summary:

Bryan Callen starts off the episode with a great monologue. They really need to give him a solid five minutes in each episode.

This episode kicked ass. Was definetly an action packed episode.

Things I loved about this episode…

  • Carla puts a bullet through the bitten cop’s head. She’s awesome. Even when she’s not in Daisy Dukes.
  • Captain Dashel – “He died honar a horribly.”
  • I can’t wait to see Kirsten kick some ass Ninja style.  I just know its coming.
  • Awesome fight scene in the precint. And Billie got to take his shirt off.
  • Carla is awesome.
  • Captain Dashel plays hardball with Rico. (but he doesn’t realize yet that his neice is the one who emptied the arms locker – or at least that is my bet.)
  • Police charge is awesome. Stubeck killing a zombie with a drawer rocks.
  • Kirsten, you go girl. Kick some zombie ass and redeem yourself.
  • Chain decapitation!!!
  • Captain Dashel – “Hey no badge, I got this.” To the sound guy.
  • Captain Dashel – “The chinese use the same symbol for oppurtunity as they do for danger, which could explain how they drive.”  I can’t stop laughing.
  • Kirsten is a VIRGIN.  Ten times hotter.
  • Billie – “I’m tired of everyone around her fingering Kirstin….you know what I mean.” In regards to them all thinking she’s a turncoat.
  • Kirsten puts a stake through Rico. You go girl. Redeem your ass.
  • Carla know how to motivate John John. She promises him they’ll get a hotel room and he goes berserk.  He’s definetly in the zone.
  • Captain Dashel – “That is what I call a  whole lot of black power.” In regards to John John kicking some ass.  And then “It looks like my d*ck on a Sunday morning.” I can’t stop laughing again. OMG, Brian Callen rocks.

  • I think John John is going to get to have some fun with Carla. Lucky dog.
  • Did John John just die?

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

  • Like you’re going to near a zombie body, ever.
  • Who shot Kirsten? WTF.  Oh, it was dark.
  • People, never seperate. Stay together, with your backs to a wall so you can fight.

The Walking Dead – Season 2, Episode 7

Episode  7, Pretty Much Dead Already

Summary:

At the beginning of the episode Glen tells everyone that the barn is full of walkers. Shane wants to roll but Rick wants to talk to Hershel.

Rick is fighting to stay to protect his unborn child, but Hershel still wants them gone. The episode carries the overall story and plot forward, but was more drama than action up until the last four minutes. Which makes this a 4 out of 5 for the episode. Even with the “Surprise” ending.

But the fact that the rest of the season doesn’t pick up until February really sucks.

Things I loved about this episode…

  • The sound of everyone fighting outside the barn has got the walkers excited.
  • Maggie is so hot when she’s pissed.
  • The scene where Carol is telling Daryl she doesn’t want to lose him too is very touching, right up to the point he calls her a stupid bitch.
  • Maggie’s speach trying to convince Hershel to let the RV gang stay was powerful, but also a bit sad.
  • You go Dale – hiding the weapons when you knew that badness from Shane was coming.
  • Glen telling Maggie he never wants her to be in danger. And Maggie’s sweaty boobs are hot.

  • Shane losing it.  He’s right about the walkers in the barn, but wrong about the way he’s going about it. But what an awesome firing line.

 

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

  • Hershel still wants them gone. Even if it disagrees with the way Rick and the rest of the RV family feels about the walkers, there has to be part of him that would understand the benefits of having more able bodies.
  • So Rick knows his wife was tagging Shane, but Shane doesn’t know that Rick knows.  I think Rick would have a bit more edge with Shane.  How could he not?
  • Shane – what an ass. Trying to tell Lori that Rick isn’t made for their current world.
  • Damn you Lori.  I guess there is a slight possibility that the babie could be Shane’s after all.
  • It just makes no sense to try and treat walkers as “sick people”.
  • Come on Rick, its way to dangerous to have walkers on a dog pole.  Just shoot the damn thing.
  • Come on Dale, just shoot Shane. He’s a prick. (But at least Shane didn’t kill Dale)
  • Shane loses it and wants to kill the walkers in the barn.
  • I kinda thought Sophia was in the barn, but boy did that suck.  So Hershel knew the whole time and never told them that Sophia had been turned?  That is really shitty.  And poor Rick, he had to pull the trigger.

Crazy Thoughts During the Episode…

  • As Carl is saying that Sophia would like it on the farm, all I could think about was that she was already in the barn – maybe in walker stomachs.
  • Shane was going to tell Carl to kill Hershel so they could all stay at the farm.

 

Death Valley – Season 1, Episode 11

Episode  11, Partners

Summary:

I am still in shock. I think John John bit it at the end of the last episode, but I’m not quite sure yet. OMG, I think he bought it. That sucks. I can’t believe they killed him off, just as he was about to get in Carla’s pants, and possibly her girlfriends. It’s just wrong.  Oh SWEET JESUS he is alive.  Just in the hospital.

Meanwhile Stubeck is trying to figure out who the mole is for Dashel.

Things I loved about this episode…

  • Billie is talking about almost banging Kirsten on Dashel’s desk during John John’s funeral. And then Kirsten says the same thing to Carla.
  • Oh, thank God, John John is not dead.
  • The old woman and her husband “Stan”.  It’s just a smell, and dogs bark louder than him.
  • Captain Dashel reading erotic fiction to John John.
  • Billie – “I was this close, this close to banging Kirsten in Dashel’s office….I don’t want to blame John John and those dead cops, no I take that back, I do.” He’s such a prick, but a funny prick.
  • Carla and John John sitting in a tree.
  • I don’t think that Rico is dead. But I’m wrong.
  • Captain Dashel – “Happing sucking.” In response to Rico’s dad telling him they cut the body of their fallen apart and suck the marrow out of his bones.
  • Kirsten punches Stubeck.
  • Nice moves Stubeck. And you c*ck blocked Billie.
  • Oh shit, vampire nurses!!! The worst kind. Vamp Nurses. (And I see Dashel’s neice in there)

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

  • Just shoot “Stan” Carla. Don’t lose your balls.
  • You just know Kirsten and Carla leaving “Stan” alone is going to come back and bite them on their asses.
  • Don’t fall for it Kirsten…Billie just wants to pork you.

Inlaws Staying Too Long Post Thanksgiving?

We’ve all had it happen at least once. You invite the inlaws down for thanksgiving, and they just don’t seem to be packing up to leave. Its Friday night and they should be on the road, but they are settling into help you finish off the left over turkey.

What to do with them?  Don’t let them go to waste. Feed your pet zombie who lives in the crawlspace!!! And with this helpful guide, you’ll know exactly which cuts he likes best…

Death Valley – Season 1, Episode 9

Episode  9, Tick Tick Boom

Summary:

The episode starts with a zombie infested elevator. The hotel manager is funny. Even with zombies eating people he is concerned about his job.

Kirsten get’s picked up by the “Give Blood, Get Blood” vampire  while Stubeck and Billie down a bomb zombie, or a Bombie as Billie would call it.

Meanwhile Carla and John John got to breakfast with Carla’s girlfriend, and then things get really interesting. Jealously all around.

Things I loved about this episode…

  • Carla is a kick ass shot. And kick ass hot.
  • Captain Dashel – “These zombies are reproducing faster than the Kardashians.”
  • Billie talking about Stubecks kid’s teacher.
  • Carla comes out of the closet.
  • Kirsten gets in trouble and get’s yelled at by Captain Dashel. He actually has a serious moment.
  • John John get’s his mind blown at the breakfast table. Its a very hot breakfast scene.
  • Captain Dashel goes crazy on Rico. Take that Rico.  Too bad Dashel doesn’t realize his niece is on the wrong side.
  • Stubeck takes down a zombie at his kids school. (and then realizes there is a bomb in it)

 

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

  • They made Dashel be serious for a minute. WTF?

Death Valley – Season 1, Episode 8

Episode  8, Undead Hookers

Summary:

The episode starts with Stubeck pulling over what he thinks his a DUI. It turns out it was a vampire attack, not a mobile BJ.  Captain Dashel then get’s to rock his monologue. Go Bryan Callan.

The episode started off strong with Captain Dashel leading the charge, but then tailed off a bit. The humor was a 4. Carla’s Ass was a 5. I hope they dress her like a hooker again.

Things I loved about this episode…

  • Carla gets to be a vamp hooker. Yah!!!
  • Captain Dashel – “Watch her like an ostrich.” You have to watch it, I can’t do it justice.
  • Stubek – “He’s a nice crackhead.”
  • OMG, Carla is hot. Nice Daisey Dukes. What an ass.

  • What the hell is Captain Dashel going to do with a hemp rope and hot water?
  • Ha ha, John John is in love with hot lesbian Carla
  • John John, what the hell are you doing. Carla could be in the process of getting sucked dry. Nice move John John.
  • Carla – “How did you know where to shoot.” John John – “I didn’t.”  Nice moves using the sound eqipment to get your shot. And then getting caught looking at her knockers.
  • Very interesting, why would a vamp put a bomb in a backpack?

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

  • Wouldn’t the men going to see Carla “the Vampire” realize she’s warm blooded?