Hansel & Gretel (4 Out of 5 Graves)
The movie starts out with the standard origination tail for Hansel & Gretel and then wastes no time getting to the action. Hansel and his sister are hired by a small town mayor to find the witch who has been stealing the townspeople’s children. After saving a hottie who was being falsely accused by the Sheriff played by Peter Stormare the two set out to find out who has been stealing the townspeople’s children.
In the process we learn that the big bad witch, Muriel, played by Famke Janssen has been taking the children to help her make a potion that will make her immune to fire. Famke Janssen is very possibly the hottest witch ever.
After Muriel comes to town to collect the next ingredient on her list (a female child born on a specific date) the Sheriff is none to happy. He blames Hansel & Gretel for the attack and ends up killing the mayor when he stands up for the witch hunting brother and sister.
During the attack Hansel & Gretel end up getting separated. While Gretel is getting the sh*t kicked out of her before getting saved by a troll Hansel is getting lucky with the hottie he saved in the opening scene. As luck would have it the hottie (playe by Pihla Viitala) just so happens to be a white witch and helps Hansel relieve some “dynamic tension” while proving that there are good witches, extremely kind hearted, naked, good witches.
Hansel & Gretel get back together and learn a bit about their heritage briefly before Gretel gets taken prisoner by Muriel. This is the setup for the final battle and World War 3 at the big witch convention.
Things I loved about the movie…
- There were some really good one liners that made me laugh.
- The action was well done and Jeremy Renner carries the “action star” title well.
- The relationship that forms between Gretel and the troll Edward. “I serve witches”.
- Mina as the hot “good witch”.
- The final shovel kill at the end. Was well done.
Things I didn’t like about the movie…
- They should have had one or two witches go down a bit easier in the beginning. They were all like super ninja fighters which was just a bit over the top.
- Hmm, there was a mix of guns and medieval weapons, then a Gatling gun. It just felt out of place.
- The witches were all impossible to kill, but then at the witch summit they mowed down tons of them quickly. It felt like it was too easy after how tough all the others were.
- I really didn’t like that Mina died. I like a little bit of a love story with my movie. They couldn’t have let her live and just be a booty call?
Overall it was a good movie and worth watching if you are into silly (sometimes dumb) action movies.