Author: TJ Provost

Am I weird for thinking this is attractive?

On A Pale Horse by Piers Anthony

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is another one of those books I read when I was twelve or thirteen and haven’t touched since. I started to re-read the other day and was a little underwhelmed at first. The book started out a little slow, and I’d forgotten how much Piers Anthony loved puns.

I was about to go look for another book when Luna came into the picture. That was when things started to get interesting. The love story between Death and Luna was what really made the book shine. I’m glad I didn’t put it down a page too early.

So why a four and not a five? The match stick logic thing was a little silly and annoying (although I’m sure I didn’t think so when I was twelve). And the trip to see nature reminded me way to much of the Xanth series and getting to the magicians castle.

Pontypool (2 Out of 5 Graves)

Pontypool starts out strong with Stephen McHattie playing Grant Mazzy, a one time big market radio host apparently starting over in a smaller market. Mchattie carries the move easily with his performance. He is a strong, powerful actor.  I never read the novel (it’s on my list) but I have to imagine that the source material from Tony Burgess is mostly to blame for the lackluster finish to the story.

The tale starts strong and builds suspense nicely. There are strange things going on in town, and as weird as it seems, Grant Mazzy isn’t so sure he’s just not the new guy getting hazed, at least not at first. There are several genuine laughs, and McHattie hits every facial expression perfectly. The looks of disbelief, WTF, and shock are done perfectly. He has a strong supporting cast who played more minor, but equally important rolls. The fact that they built so much suspense while showing so little of the actual “zombies” until late in the movie spoke to how well done the first two thirds were done.

So what was the hiccup?  Why a two your saying?

The finish. The end. The conclusion. The build up to the reveal. And the reveal wasn’t that great. It was a half baked cake. Laurel-Ann (Georgina Reilly) kicks it off with a well done frozen freaky pose, then the good doctor appears to help narrate what is going on.

This is about where the movie jumps the shark. The concept seemed cool *Spoiler Alert* – infected language.  But there has to be more to it than that. It’s infected and makes you want to spread it, and you happen to eat people in the process? Doh, WTF happened? It just spun out of control while doing a really horrible job of trying to explain what happened. I’d rather have had the old Satan is using it to take them over explanation, as at least that is true to itself in some strange way. The life out of nothing viral language zombie explanation felt really poorly thought out.

And thus, a well done, powerfully acted movie with a great start finished with a two.

My youngest son was showing my videos of Feast of Fictions.

This was by far my favorite (although we are going to try and make noodles this weekend).

With a little patience it should definitely be doable.

Total Recall (2012) – 1 Out of 5 Graves

This movie has the dishonorable distinction of being the first 1 Out of 5 I’ve given. I write this in a cold rage, angry that I wasted time watching this movie. The original was so much better, even if the special effects have shown through with the years.

Reasons 2012 Version Sucked:

1. The dialogue and the action were so fast it was hard to follow.
2. The action is so twitchy and fast it was impossible to enjoy.
3. They fought so hard to make this one different than the first version that they just screwed it up. The part with the tear versus the drop of sweat really bothered me between the two versions.
4. What the hell was with the giant tunnel through the earth? Oh yeah, another example of how they screwed it up compared to the original. People commute every day up and down that?
5. There were too many scenes with Kate Beckinsale that looked like they were taken right out her vampire movies. The way she runs and jumps and lands in a crouch. I love those movies, but her action scenes gave me flashbacks to the Underworld movies.
6. The tattoo on his wrist at the end. This was the absolute worst. I hate the “trick” endings

In summary I don’t think the remake was well thought out or well executed. Which is a shame. There were so many great actors in it.

The bad version:

The good version:

Legalize drugs and save billions on putting people in prison for smoking some pot.

Dead Air (4 out of 5 Graves)

I somehow missed this little gem back in 2009 but my brother was kind enough to send me a copy. If you like the zombie genre, you will appreciate “Dead Air”.  The dice were rolling in my head after I saw it-two, four, two, four. Which one did it land on and why?

Obviously I gave it the four. Let me know if you think I was too generous. The movie was well paced, true to itself, and had a decent ending.

Now we’ll talk about the spoilers and why it might have been a two…

There really isn’t too much that is terribly new here. A virus turns people into monsters, and it is unleashed for political purposes. The normal series of events happen, but each of them is well acted.

The end is, well, exactly what you expect for this genre. It is slightly open to interpretation, and I chose to believe the dose of anti virus he got will save the main character.

So, why if it was pretty standard fair was it a four and not a two? I think the credit for that goes to Bill Moseley as Logan.  He basically carries the film with his story telling ability as he talks on air throughout the whole movie.

Its all true, and I still don’t care. Twilight may set a horrible example for young women, but the stupid f*cking love story still gets me every time. Sappy, sweet and right in the heart.