Author: TJ Provost

Episode  9, Tick Tick Boom

Summary:

The episode starts with a zombie infested elevator. The hotel manager is funny. Even with zombies eating people he is concerned about his job.

Kirsten get’s picked up by the “Give Blood, Get Blood” vampire  while Stubeck and Billie down a bomb zombie, or a Bombie as Billie would call it.

Meanwhile Carla and John John got to breakfast with Carla’s girlfriend, and then things get really interesting. Jealously all around.

Things I loved about this episode…

• Carla is a kick ass shot. And kick ass hot.
• Captain Dashel – “These zombies are reproducing faster than the Kardashians.”
• Billie talking about Stubecks kid’s teacher.
• Carla comes out of the closet.
• Kirsten gets in trouble and get’s yelled at by Captain Dashel. He actually has a serious moment.
• John John get’s his mind blown at the breakfast table. Its a very hot breakfast scene.
• Captain Dashel goes crazy on Rico. Take that Rico.  Too bad Dashel doesn’t realize his niece is on the wrong side.
• Stubeck takes down a zombie at his kids school. (and then realizes there is a bomb in it)

 

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• They made Dashel be serious for a minute. WTF?

Episode  8, Undead Hookers

Summary:

The episode starts with Stubeck pulling over what he thinks his a DUI. It turns out it was a vampire attack, not a mobile BJ.  Captain Dashel then get’s to rock his monologue. Go Bryan Callan.

The episode started off strong with Captain Dashel leading the charge, but then tailed off a bit. The humor was a 4. Carla’s Ass was a 5. I hope they dress her like a hooker again.

Things I loved about this episode…

• Carla gets to be a vamp hooker. Yah!!!
• Captain Dashel – “Watch her like an ostrich.” You have to watch it, I can’t do it justice.
• Stubek – “He’s a nice crackhead.”
• OMG, Carla is hot. Nice Daisey Dukes. What an ass.

• What the hell is Captain Dashel going to do with a hemp rope and hot water?
• Ha ha, John John is in love with hot lesbian Carla
• John John, what the hell are you doing. Carla could be in the process of getting sucked dry. Nice move John John.
• Carla – “How did you know where to shoot.” John John – “I didn’t.”  Nice moves using the sound eqipment to get your shot. And then getting caught looking at her knockers.
• Very interesting, why would a vamp put a bomb in a backpack?

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• Wouldn’t the men going to see Carla “the Vampire” realize she’s warm blooded?

Episode  7, Who, What, When, Werewolf… Why

Summary:

Kirsten starts the episode by killing a poor jogger. I mean it was her fault. If she’d just put out that werewolf wouldn’t have gone nuts on the jogger. Billy meanwhile decides to go after the vampire who beat Stubeck up.

The episode was good, and I was going to rank it as 4, but Bryan Callan had some great lines, lifting it to a 5.

Things I loved about this episode…

• Kirsten is hot, even if she gets joggers killed.
• Captain Dashel is great. His lines rock. Bryan Callan keeps the laughs coming.
• Carla – “It’s my birdthday, I want that.” in reference to the zombie she just killed.
• Stubeck being protective of Kirsten is cute. I guess he doesn’t know she gets joggers killed.
• John John takes a watch off a zombie and gives it to Carla as a gift. I’m sure it won’t end badly. Carla – “You stole this off that zombie.” John John – “Your saying that because I’m black.”
• Captain Dashel -“You’re a good looking man….with a mouth like a cut peach.” OMG, I can’t stop laughing.
• GO Dashel, kick some Vampire Ass.
• Stubeck saves Kirsten’s ass.  He’s such a sweety.

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• Haven’t John John & Carla seen Zombieland? Double tap people, doubletap.
• Come on, the moment I saw them chase a vampire into the tanning salone I knew what was going to happen.

Episode  6, The Hottest Day of the Year

Summary:

It’s hot and the force is being punished for Jon-Jon’s octogenarian beating. PUS cards anyone ?- (Possible Undead Suspect)  Episode 6 keeps the laughs rolling.  So far the only stinker has been episode 4, but I guess that is still a pretty good batting average.

While the team has fun with the zombies Kirsten get’s to go to a turning party with Dashel’s neice and a new term is coined, gang fang. But of course she is getting in over her head.

Things I loved about this episode…

• I had blood in my semen once, it looked like a candy cane.
• Captain Dashel rocks.  Keep the laughs coming Bryan Callen. There is something just awesome about the way he rubs suntan lotion into Stubacks head.
• Kirsten is a hotty. Is it wrong to hope she fails as an actor and goes into porn?
• The sewer poops.  I can’t stop laughing.
• Stubeck loses it and has some fun.

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• Its 112 degrees in the shades.  Where are my sweated through white t-shirts.
• Stubeck get’s covered in zombie blood and no one is worried about getting the virus.

Episode  5, Zombie Fights

Summary:

It’s a nursing home, not a zombie infested hospital you jerk.

I was a bit worries after last weeks episode, but “Zombie Fights” delivered the goods, thanks to Bryan Callen for the most part. He get’s multiple solid laughs throughout the show.

Things I loved about this episode…

• It’s not important who did this, so I feel totally comfortable saying it was “Jon-Jon”
• Zombie Fights – It sounds disgusting and completely debased. I’d like to see one. Bryan Callen brings the laughs.
• A gentleman’s bet.
• Kirsten always ends up with one cheek hanging out when she buys cheap underwear. She’s so hot.
• I wish nothing but bad things on all of you – drive safe.
• Carla in the bar, nice shirt, and nice kiss. I think she likes Kirsten. I hope she likes Kirsten. Please have it on tape MTV.
• Captain Dashell and his uber gay goodbye speech.

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• Poor Jon-Jon.
• Poor Stubeck gets the shit kicked out of him.
• The episode made up for last week, so not much to complain about.

Episode  4, Two Girls, One Cop

Summary:

A werewolf goes crazy on his pornstar friends and Jonjon wants to go at it with a bat.  I’m not sure exactly how though.

While the premise of werewolves at a porn shoot sounds great, the episode lagged a bit. The fourth episode was okay, but it had the least amount of real laughs in the series so far.

Things I loved about this episode…

• We can’t find our makeup girl, and we do a lot of close ups.
• She can make a vagina look like a pair of Swedish baby thumbs?
• Kirsten kicking some ass.
• “Cough – lawsuit, cough – lawsuit.”

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• Do you really talk into a d*ldo you find at a porn shoot? Gross…
• Were the porn stars a bit chubby?
• Stubeck talking to the porn star about why she got into the business.  It made being a porn star sound just a bit too nice.

Episode  3

Summary:

The blood mobiles are being robbed. Time to kick some vamp ass.

Another great episode.  I just wish they were an hour long.

Things I loved about this episode…

• Kirsten is hot.
• I have subcutaneous fat, so getting that V is out of the question. (yeah, me too)
• Stubeck calls a time out.
• The bat never runs out of ammo. How f*cking true.
• GBGB – Give blood, get buzzed. It tastes like jager.  It looks a bit like a dirty sanchez to me.
• Save us cookies, we’ll get you ammo.
• Why do vampires get to kiss all the girls?
• Carla is kinda hot too.

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• Wasn’t it daylight when the vamps attacked the reporter?

Episode  2

Summary:

The opening scene was awesome.  “I’m going to shoot her if you don’t.

The cops are crazy and maybe a bit gay.  Episode two doesn’t disappoint.  My only dissapointment was that it was only 22 minutes long.

Things I loved about this episode…

• Shooting ex girlfriends.
• Filipino lady boys.  It all feels good in the dark. Hmm….okay.
• Zombies are a cross betwen hobos and poo.
• Bryan Callen is great as the goofie ass Dashell. He plays the oversharing creepy guy so well.
• A through the head shot.
• Stubeck is a nice guy.

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• The hot blonde cop should have been wearing less and tighter clothes when kick boxing.  Just saying.

Episode  10 – Eight Hours

Summary:

The fighters have left on their raid while Uncle Scott and the team try to figure out what is going on with Ben. The last episode is a little choppy here and there, and leaves you hanging at the end, wondering what will happen next season.  So I guess it did its job in the end.

Things I loved about this episode…

• Pope – don’t worry, the safety is on. (It wasn’t.)
• Thankfully Uncle Scott is alive.
• Rick can really move.
• The girl is super creepy, she’s starting to change.
• Pope giving his resistance speech. As I’ve said before, he’s a d*ck, but sometimes you still like him.
• Maggie making a pact with Jimmy.  I’d watch her back too.
• Sweet, they took a Mech down. Just a few hundred more.  They do look cool when they are walking in unison though.  They fight like the British – line up so we can shoot you.
• Jimmy is a lucky kid.
• Karyn speaking for the aliens. “They didn’t expect resistance at this level.”

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• Oh crap, Rick isn’t on our team anymore (if he ever was once he was brought back.)
• Why do you have the fifty cal in a convertible?  Wouldn’t some armor around it be a good idea?
• Rick tells Tom that he’s basically given the Skidders all the tactical info he has.  I’m sorry, but treason is treason.  It’s time to put a round into Rick’s head.
• Weaver’s got a few trucks and fifty fighters, and he wants to strike no matter what. It just seems like bad tactics. Start picking mechs and Skidders off on the streets and see how many of the bastards you can thin out. Versus throwing away fifty valuable fighters on a suicide mission.
• Tom sure can find everyone else who got shot up prettty fast.
• Wouldn’t the aliens have ground units near the base of their mother ship?
• Why is there an RPG in Massachusetts? And why did nailing a single fighter to do so much damage.
• Why would Tom think that going with the aliens would keep them from calling Ben back anyway? What guarantee does he have?

Episode  9 – Mutiny

Summary:

Ann has discovered that the harnessed kids may be turning into the Skidders, but the discovery is overshadowed by Weaver’s erratic behavior.

Things I loved about this episode…

• Lourdes is such a sweety, but who gives uppers and downers to thier commanding officer without telling their boss (Ann)
• Max rationalizing that he is staying away from Pope, just not that far, so he’s doing what his Dad said.
• Uncle Scott working with Ben, even if what Ben discovers may not be so good in the long run. Uncle Scott is such a nice guy.
• Tom motivating Pope to defuse the four bombs.
• Pope talking about killing cooties.
• Maggie telling Pope off.
• Tom, Uncle Scott, and Ben talking about the radio jammer and Skidders.  I think they are setting something up for next season.

Things that I didn’t like about this episode…

• Tom isn’t freaked out enough when Ann shows him the harness inside the Skidder.
• Is Tom’s weapon of choice changing? He usually has an AK but I think I saw a M4.
• I guess Mech metal has a low melting point? Very convenient.
• Rick is freaking me out. I get that Ben is trying to be his friend but there comes a time to let other people know.
• Could Tom really take out a trained soldier in a fist fight? He was a history teacher.
• If you’ve gone crazy (as in Weaver) can you regain your sanity so easily like he did when Tom confronted him?